Pub

It’s with an ‘eavy ‘eart I’ve got to announce that me pub’s on the way out. We’re going the way of all other boozers in this bleedin’ country. That geezer from the brewery (bushy eyebrows, shifty demeanour, rides a bike for gawd’s sake – I’ve never trusted ‘im) is closing us down. Says we’re too successful, we’re making the others look bad. But we ain’t going quietly, oh no siree.

We’ve got a right good lineup this week. We’ve got summat called A FREE HOUSE directed by young Chris Meads – which is all about ‘ow men use the pub as a meeting place – dunno what they’ll do when we’re all boarded up. They’ll look a right bunch of softies ‘anging round one of them fancy coffee shops drinking campuccinos or whatever they’re called. Don’t get me started.

We’ve got some more proper quality turns on the bill – there’s PUB regular Giles reading a couple of poems written by his Granddad, and Marvin Cheeseman’s popping in on Saturday night with some of ‘is poetry too. That Steppping Stone group from Rochdale are doin’ a bit of a play on Friday, and rumour ‘as it that that Sally Lindsay’s joining in with ‘em. She’d better not try and stick ‘er oar in behind my bar, that’s all I’m saying. I’ve ‘eard she muscled in on a Bingo ‘All in the Summer. I’ve got my eye on you Lindsay, alright?

And watch out for the Kazi King, that ruddy toilet inspector . Me mates up The Feathers say he’s comin’ round our way on Friday night and ‘es a proper pain in the proverbial. So if you see someone ‘anging round the loos on Friday night tip me the wink right?

So – it’s been grand. If you want us to reopen next year, show some support in me Visitor’s Book and maybe we’ll be back.

And don’t forget to say hello to me, don’t you be shy now!

Your Landlord – Eric Bell

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